A Divorce Attorney Talking About Valentines Day… Say Whattt?!
If your decision to read this post stemmed from the expectation that you would walk away with a better understanding of some obscure family law topic, you should know now that this ain’t that kind of party. I wanted to start with this disclaimer as I know my regular readers have had their archaic perceptions of family attorneys shattered through learning, via this very blog, that a divorce attorney can be both scholarly and engaging. Of course, if you come from the school of thought whose perception is rooted in the assumption that lawyers are arrogant and grandiose by nature, this would probably be a good time for a segue…
Now let’s get weird. Let me clarify that by weird, I mean emo. Not dudes wearing eyeliner writing poems in red lipstick on the bathroom mirror emo, but emo because I have become very comfortable on my soapbox saying that the best thing to do when facing a divorce, child custody issue or other family law matter is to chill the f out and put your feelings aside. Easier said than done, I know, especially for a recent divorcee. Throw Valentine’s Day in the mix? Forget it. I’ve heard it all before…
The nightmare started the day after New Years when you saw the chocolate hearts and teddy bears pop up at your local grocery store and things have gotten progressively worse as the day got closer and the shelves become more lined with reminders that you are alone. In sweatpants. With a gallon of rocky road in your cart. Fast forward to earlier this week when the cheerful young cashier asked you about your Valentine’s Day plans and you actually briefly considered going wayward Hollywood starlet on her ass and lunging across the register. But, instead, you smile politely and mumbled something about your significant other planning a big surprise and slowly walked to your car wondering how the hell you are ever going to be okay.
The truth of the matter is that whether you accept pain and struggle as being a part of life or resign yourself to a future determined by the past is for you and you alone to decide. Shakespeare once said “there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so” and the old Bard couldn’t have been more right. Take, for example, the use of steroids in major league baseball. It’s been a hotbed of controversy ever since Parkway Joe officially outed the scandal and recently reached it’s latest peak when Dan LeBatard decided to pawn his 2014 hall of fame ballot to Deadspin in protest (although not his sole rationale, unarguably a primary motivating factor). Following this, I couldn’t help but be intrigued by two of the most popular ESPN broadcasting duos’ reactions. Kornheiser and Wilbon were up in arms practically calling for DB’s crucifixion while over on the set of Mike & Mike, the boys came to DLB’s defense (which is strange in and of itself, but that’s neither here nor there). When you actually dissect the situation, you will see that an individual orchestrated an action which promoted his own interests. End of story. It was only the anchors’ (along with every other blue blooded Americans) judgment of said action that qualified it as good (or at least comprehensible) or bad (slash borderline treasonous).
If you’re thinking “okayyy and that relates to my life how?!”, patience grasshopper. We have all gone through things that we thought were impossible to get over. Whether it be a run in with the law, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job… the list goes on and on but I’m confident you’re picking up what I’m putting down. The point is, when it came down to each of your respective personal crises, things were okay in the end. And if they were not okay, it was not the end. Alright, alright so I lifted that line from the charming little sweetpea in “The Very Best Marigold Hotel”, but it’s true. Each trial and tribulation, no matter how hellish it was to experience, molded you into the person you are today. In fact, the person you are meant to be. Going through a divorce blows and can be overwhelming whether it’s Valentine’s Day or Flag Day or Wednesday. You have to do a lot of soul searching and, more often than not, you have to start from scratch and create a new identity. But, think about it… you get to start from scratch and create a new identity.
At the end of the day, your marriage ended because one of you wasn’t happy. If it was you, you are well aware of the reasons why and wasting the opportunity to find your true happiness in favor of playing the perpetual victim is a travesty of the highest degree. If it was your spouse that threw up deuces, he or she did you a favor because one day you’ll find the lid to your pot and realize what it feels like to be appreciated. When I meet with clients for the first time, they are usually a hot mess. Whether teeming with anger or tore up from the floor up by feelings of inadequacy, the common theme that unites them is feeling like a failure. Let me be the first to tell you, honey, there is no greater failure than selling yourself short by acquiescing to a life of unhappiness. Things don’t always work out, big whoop. Besides, who the hell wants to live a life mandated by what someone else thinks they should do?!
The greatest piece of advice I can give as a divorce attorney
Nothing can make you feel some type of way unless you allow it to and the only person you are hurting by being a raging lunatic or consumed with sadness is yourself. So, get up, brush your shoulders off and start acting like you’re the best thing to happen since the advent of the fluffernutter sandwich (I mean, really, those things are freaking a-mazing). Because if you don’t see all of wonderful things you have to offer, you best believe no one else will either.
We will return to our normally scheduled educational blog in the next post. Oh, and if you just so happen to be looking for a divorce attorney that will tirelessly fight to protect your interests while simultaneously ensuring that the courtroom door doesn’t hit you on the way out…We got you, boo.